Tugging on a Rope
by Mister Frodo
Summary: A short chapter story based on the LOTR movies. Basically just makes fun of the characters and also different roles played by the actors in the movies. FINAL CHAPTER UP
1. The First Tug

_Note: This is a very random story that I just thought of while I was bored. I don't know if it makes much sense. But this is me being crazy. I hope you enjoy._

On Middle-Earth, in the heart of the plains of Rohan, Aragorn stood, tugging on a rope. He tugged on the rope even through snow, sleet, rain and hail, and while receiving this mail. While he tugged, he constantly repeated the same words to himself. "I must tug on this rope. I must."

Orlando Bloom walked up. "Why, Aragorn? Why must you tug on this rope?"

"Ah! It's Orlando Bloom!" A million fangirls ran at the actor, screaming at the top of their lungs.

Orlando sighed and waved in farewell. "I am sorry, my ladies, but I only have one to which I have pledged my soul. Keira Knightley, here I come!"

He dashed away, followed by the mass of screaming teenagers. Meanwhile, Aragorn continued to tug on the rope. "I must tug on this rope. I must."

Boromir and Faramir strode up, arms over each other's shoulders. Boromir smiled. "Remember this day, brother, for it is a good day."

Suddenly Faramir's cell phone rang. He plucked it from his pocket and put it to his ear. "Hello? Oh, hi, Dad…No, I was hanging with Boromir…What do you mean, go to Rivendell? I'm having so much fun with him…Dad, I don't want to go. Send Boromir. He's so much more capable than me." The other person on the cell phone began yelling. Faramir shrugged. "Yeah, I love you too, Dad." He hung up. "Hey, Boromir, bro, you have to go to Rivendell. Something about forming a fellowship with some short little dudes, Orlando Bloom, and Aragorn." At that moment the duo noticed Aragorn tugging on the rope. "Oh, hey, Aragorn. Why are you tugging on that rope?"

Boromir held up a hand. "No time for that, my brother. It is time to ride." He leapt on to his horse as James Bond-like music played. "Fear not, Rivendell, Agent 006 is coming. Hah!"

Faramir stared at Aragorn as Boromir rode away. "I know why you tug on that rope, Aragorn. You wonder what the rope's name is. Where it came from. And whether it is truly evil at heart. What lies or threats led it on this long march from home. If it would not whether have stayed there in peace." He paused for dramatic effect. "War will make corpses of all rope."

Aragorn paid him no heed and continued to tug on the rope. "I must tug it. I must."

Faramir then saw a giant sheep falling from the sky. He shouted at Aragorn. "Aragorn, a sheep is coming! Run!"

But Aragorn did not care for his words. As the shadow of the massive, fluffy animal grew larger, he whistled a little tune, tugging on the rope. "I must tug on the rope."

_Will Faramir save Aragorn? Will Aragorn realize the threat in time? And what is important about this rope in the first place? Tune in next time to find out. _


	2. To Stop a Sheep

**What?! Only one review?! I feel outraged! No, not really. At least the chapter got a lot of hits. I guess that will have to do for now.**

**Skittle Trees Exist: Thanks for the review. No, I don't think "rhythm" and "it" rhyme. But it was a good poem nonetheless.**

**So here it is. Chapter Two of the great saga of Tugging on a Rope... **

Previously…

Orlando Bloom was chased by fangirls, Boromir went off to help James Bond, and Faramir was warning Aragorn of a giant sheep about to fall on both of them. While all of this happened, Aragorn continued to tug on his rope, oblivious to everything around him. It is in this dire situation that Chapter Two begins…

Aragorn tugged on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Faramir glanced up at the massive sheep in the sky. How was he going to save Aragorn? Immediately a plan sprung into his mind. "Aragorn, look! It's Arwen!"

Even this didn't distract the future King of Gondor. As always, Aragorn continued tugging on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must do it. I must."

Thinking of nothing else, Faramir ran smack-dab into Aragorn, slamming them both to the ground. "I'm not letting you die, alone, Aragorn, King of Gondor, Elessar, the Elfstone, guy with lots of names! My brother! My captain! My king!"

Then Faramir realized it was really idiotic to kill himself along with Aragorn, so he jumped off and sprinted away. When he reached safety he spun back around to watch the great disaster about to unfold.

Aragorn, oblivious to all around him, continued to tug on the rope, even though he was lying on the ground with a giant sheep about to land on him. "I must tug the rope. I must tug it. I must."

Then Frodo and Sam walked up, carrying heavy packs. Frodo sighed. "This journey is so long. It makes me want to sing…"

Suddenly Legolas, Gandalf the Grey, Gimli, and Gandalf's brother, Pandalf the Pink, sprung up. Legolas had an electrical guitar, Gandalf the Grey played bass, Gimli took drums, and Pandalf, being very artistic, played the piano, a massive grand piano that had happened to be next to the rope. Even though they had no music in front of them and had obviously never used any musical instrument before, they broke into an epic melody accompanying Frodo's beautiful solo.

"This is the song that never ends; it goes on and on my friends…" Except Frodo was played by Elijah Wood, who had just finished voicing Mumble in Happy Feet, so he had an awful singing voice. So bad was it that the sheep imploded, raining lamb chops on the heroes. Soon Sam decided Frodo had killed off enough innocent animals, so he turned off the hobbit's mike. Realizing he had no chance at carrying a tune, Frodo started dancing.

Gandalf the Grey stared at him. "What are you doing, Frodo?"

The hobbit continued tap-dancing. "I feel happy, Pa."

"And what are you doing with your feet?"

Frodo looked down at his furry feet which were rapidly moving in a series of complex patterns that the author couldn't describe accurately so he created a long and overworked sentence. "They're happy too."

Faramir breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness you showed up. Aragorn was about to die, and then Gondor would have no king."

Sam scratched his head. "What about your dad?"

"Oh, he's only a steward."

Gandalf the White popped out of nowhere and whacked Faramir on the head. The son of the steward collapsed. Frodo gasped. "Gandalf?! Why did you do that?!"

"Practice, Frodo. Practice."

Then, Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White realized that they were the same character, so they both spontaneously combusted. Gimli and Legolas also left to braid each other's hair. Only Frodo, Sam, Faramir, and Pandalf the Pink remained. Oh, and there was Aragorn, who still tugged on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Sam stared at the unconscious Faramir. "Well, that saves us a lot of trouble. Come on, Gollum, let's go."

Gollum ran up and tackled Sam from behind. The two became tangled in an atrocious melee and rolled away. Frodo chased after them. "Don't hurt him, Sam! He's so innocent! Don't hurt him, Sméagol! Though he does need the workout…"

Now only Aragorn and Pandalf still stood in the plains of Rohan. Pandalf, being a pointless OC, vanished into thin air. And then there was one… and his name was Aragorn.

"I must tug on the rope. I must."

Faramir opened his eyes. When he caught sight of Aragorn he realized that even though he had succeeded in stopping the evil sheep, he had not distracted the future King of Gondor from his rope tuggingness. Then the grammar police came and arrested Faramir, because tuggingness is not a weird. That explanes why a litle red line comes under it when your typing in Microsopht Office Word. Ah wel. Grammer class, hair I cum.

And so Aragorn continued his tugging on of the rope, repeating his normal phrase. "I must tug on the rope. I must. I must."

_Will Aragorn ever stop tugging on the rope? Will someone else come up and randomly try to distract him? And just what is the purpose of the rope? To find the answers to these questions, stay tuned. _


	3. The Randomness Continues

**Yay! Chapter 3 of randomness! Hurray! Here are the reviewer responses:**

**Ulaire: Thanks for the review. Nice use of "lol"... Of course, do any of us really know what "lol" stands for? Do we?**

**Princess of Ithilien: It's my job to make you smile, ma'am. If you're smiling, I'm doing my job.**

**Katerina17: He might be. I don't really know why Aragorn must tug on the rope. That's why writing the story is so much fun.**

**ArodieltheElfofRohan: Rohan has Elves? Ha, just kidding. Yeah, I think there are plenty of people who would just keep on saying that... It must be fun. **

**And here it is, Chapter 3 of the Tugging on a Rope saga. Who will win? Who will fall? Oh, wait, this isn't the finale yet. **

**Never mind.**

It was a dark and stormy night.

Okay, actually, it was bright and sunny, but that's not what matters. What does matter is what was happening in the plains of Rohan. Deep in the golden savannah stood Aragorn, tugging on his rope, whistling to himself. Every couple of minutes or so he would interrupt his whistled melody with his favorite words. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Just then Arwen walked up, led by Orlando Bloom. The British actor pointed at the future King of Gondor. "This is what I was talking about, Arwen. Aragorn has lost his mind."

Arwen rushed to Aragorn's side. "Aragorn, my love…Why do you tug on this rope?"

But Aragorn ignored her. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Orlando sighed. "He has been like that for a long, long time. I begin to fear for him. If only we could distract him, somehow…"

Arwen spun around, beaming. "That's it, Guy Patterson!"

Tom Hanks popped up. "No, we are calling the band the Wonders, not the Oneders! Get it in your heads, people!"

Orlando snorted. "Whatever, mullet man. But how are you going to distract him, Arwen?"

"Obviously I'm going to make a piñata. He's loves piñatas." She darted away. "I'll be right back, Orlando."

"What?!" A fangirl appeared in thin air. "Did you say Orlando?! As in Orlando Bloom?! Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh! I love you, Orlando!"

A million other teenage girls somehow converged on the spot. "We love you too, Orlando!"

Orlando dashed off, running for his life. "Someday I will marry you, Keira! Some day!"

Then Eomer rode up on his horse. He took of his weird mane-like helmet thingy and strode to Aragorn. "Aragorn, my Uncle desperately needs you! He's been turned all old and moldy again."

Oddly enough, everyone had ignored Tom Hanks, who was still standing next to them. "My mom once said uncles were like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

"Oh, get out of here." Eomer shoved Tom Hanks off the cliff edge that just happened to be there. He turned back to Aragorn. "Aragorn, stop tugging the rope and summon Gandalf the White!"

Pandalf the Pink emerged from nothing. Eomer sighed. "I said Gandalf, not Pandalf. Sorry, buddy."

Pandalf turned and evaporated. Meanwhile, Aragorn continued to tug on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

"Whatever. I'm going to stop Wormtongue from hitting on my sister. See you later, loser."

Eomer galloped away into the sunset. No, really, for some reason he had left his horse behind and just galloped away by himself. Suddenly King Arthur and Patsy ran through, banging coconuts together. Arthur glanced at Aragorn. "Hmmm… I wonder if he wants to join my court in Camelot…"

Just then a Black Rider (or Nazgul, if you want to call them that) had decided to stroll over to the local Wal-Mart and buy some new armored gloves. But as he ambled along, he bumped straight into Arthur, who fell back.

The King of the Britons jumped to his feet, drawing his sword as he did. "It's the Black Knight! I thought I had slain you!"

The Nazgul shook his head. "No, you're mistaken. I'm not the Black Knight. I'm a Black Rider."

"Rider, Knight, there is little difference." Arthur dropped into a fighting stance. "I shall defeat you once more, for you did not join my court at Camelot!"

The Nazgul almost felt sorry for Arthur. Almost. He whipped out a Morgal blade and stabbed the king. Arthur collapsed on the ground. "Ow! I have been bested."

As Patsy dragged him away, the Black Rider sheathed his blade. "That'll show him." A bloodcurdling shriek passed from his throat. He coughed. "Oops. Must have been those burritos I had for breakfast."

He walked away, leaving only Aragorn, still tugging on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

_Will Aragorn ever stop tugging on the rope? Will Arwen distract him with a piñata? And what is the rope's purpose? Find it all out in the next chapter, a pulse-pounding conclusion that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Or not._


	4. The Ending is Here I Think

**Now, what you've all been waiting for… Actually, no, you all probably haven't been waiting for this, but anyway… It's the final chapter of _Tugging on a Rope_! Who will win? Who will fall? Why am I asking these pointless questions? Ah well. Here are the reviewer responses.**

**steelelf: Yes. I hate excessive profanity, and I also do not know exactly what slash is, so I guess I'm safe. I put the joke of Boromir humming the James Bond theme because the actor who played Boromir was in a James Bond film. Of course, I haven't really seen any of the Bond movies, so I don't know which one, but ah well. Thanks for the review!**

**Princess of Ithilien: Yeah, your stories are random. And funny. I hope I continue to do my job well. Because this is what I'm getting paid to—No, wait, no one pays me. Never mind.**

**ArodieltheElfofRohan: That was actually a joke on Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with King Arthur getting the Black Rider and the Black Knight confused. Thanks for the idea for the piñata, but, sadly, I had already written the chapter by the time I read it, so I couldn't use it. But thank you for the idea! It's a great one! **

**July 47th: Faramir's speech was a rip off of a speech he gives in The Two Towers Expanded Edition involving a dead Easterling soldier. And yes, this story is pointless. I guess that's what makes it so funny. Or so stupid. Or both.**

**There's a fine line between funny and stupid, people. I like to run out and smudge the line while laughing maniacally. It really helps if you're depressed. **

**And now, the final chapter begins!**

"It all started when I was born."

Pippin took a deep breath. He had never thought he would be able to come clean about his deepest, darkest secret. But now, as Merry and he walked through the plains of Rohan, he felt the need to burst it out.

"My mom never hugged me. All of my cousins hated me. They always called me names and made fun of the fact that I got 'melon' and 'mellon' confused. So I started this hobby, so I would have something to do."

Merry nodded, listening intently. Actually, he wasn't listening intently, but he looked like he was, and it's the thought that counts. Or something like that.

Pippin continued. "So, as my hobby, I started collecting..." He paused for dramatic effect. "Movie soundtracks."

Merry gasped. "No!"

"Yes! It's true! I'm a film score nerd!" Pippin burst into tears. "I'm so glad I came out and said it! I feel so much better now! I'm so glad you're here, Merry!"

"No, not that, Pip. Isn't that Aragorn?"

Pippin dried his eyes and then stared where Merry was pointing. Sure enough, Aragorn stood in the middle of the tall grass, tugging on a rope. He seemed to be saying something to himself. Pippin dashed towards him, followed by Merry. "Aragorn! Aragorn! How are you?!"

But the future King of Gondor ignored them. Merry furrowed his brow. "Now isn't that odd?" Merry whipped out a guitar. "Maybe playing a tune on this here rock guitar will help him."

A bald guy appeared. "No, Charlie. You can't have your drugs."

"What? Locke? What the heck are you doing here?"

A sniper shot Locke, who collapsed in great pain. "Ow…Blow open the hatch…It's the only…hope…"

"Whatever." Merry turned back to Aragorn. "So, Aragorn, why are you tugging on the rope?"

Aragorn tugged on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Pippin shrugged. "I don't think he's going to tell us anything, Merry."

Two horses approached from the horizon. Merry squinted in their direction. "Why, I do believe that is Eomer and Théoden riding towards us."

Sure enough, Eomer and Théoden rode up to them, positioned on their steeds. The King of Rohan and his nephew dismounted and studied Aragorn. Théoden sighed. "It was as I feared. Aragorn is in a state of madness. His ship is unsinkable, even if it was hit by an iceberg while Kate Winslett and Leonardo DiCapario danced to Irish music in the Third Class." He jumped back on his horse. "Ah well. Farewell, everyone."

He galloped away on his horse, followed by Eomer, who once again forgot his own steed and went on foot. Merry furrowed his brow again. "What was the point of that visit?"

Pippin thought for a moment. "I guess it was for the author to put in a really lame reference to the movie _Titanic_." Suddenly Pippin's eyes fell on the grand piano sitting on the grass. "Ah! A piano! I will recreate music from my favorite film scores!"

But Eomer's horse, at that very moment, rammed into Pippin, sending him plunging off the cliff that happened to be nearby. Merry jumped after him. "Pippin! I think we've found another shortcut to mushrooms!"

Aragorn, oblivious to all around him, continued tugging on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Arwen strode to him, her graceful steps gracefully full of grace. She held up a colorful piñata of a horse. "Now I shall draw your attention with this piñata."

"Wait." The piñata gazed up at her with sad eyes. "You don't want to break me open. I'm a magical piñata. I will grant you three wishes."

Arwen raised her eyebrows. "This seems like a trick of Sauron. And isn't this making a mockery of the commercial for _Viva Piñata_?"

"Yes, except I actually grant you wishes. What's your first wish?"

"Hmmmm…" Arwen put a hand on her chin. "I wish I had a dad who isn't so ugly."

"Done. Tom Cruise is now your dad."

"Hurray!" Arwen thought for a little longer. "I also wish for a popsicle. Grape-flavored."

A purple popsicle popped into her hand. She beamed. "Yippee!"

As she sucked on her popsicle, she thought about her third wish. What would she wish for? A giant billboard? Lots of money? Sacred marriage? She glanced at Aragorn. She could wish for him to stop tugging on the rope.

The piñata coughed. "Ahem."

"Oh. Right." She took a deep breath, hoping she had made the right choice. "I wish for…the One Ring!"

"Done."

The Ring landed in her hand. She admired it. "It's the One Ring to Rule Them All. It's my own. My precious."

The piñata hurried away. "Quick, before the author uses me for something stupid!"

Arwen slipped the Ring on and disappeared. "Ha hah ha hah ha hah ha! I have the One Ring! I claim its power! I am the ruler of Middle-Earth!"

Gollum leapt at her. "No! The precious is mine!"

The two tussled on the ground. Aragorn continued to tug on the rope, now whistling a slightly Western melody with a mix of Christmas-y sounds. Gollum somehow stole the Ring and put it on. Arwen bit his finger off, claiming the Ring for her own. Gollum stumbled off the edge of the cliff. Arwen held up the Ring. "I now rule all!"

Just when it seemed all had turned to darkness, Pandalf the Pink dashed towards Arwen. He rammed into her, knocking the Ring from her grasp. A clone of Pippin jumped to the piano and started to play triumphant music. Aragorn joined with his whistling, and the two produced a beautiful medley of instrument and voice. Arwen fell to her knees. "No! I could have rulled the world! NOOOOOOO!"

The grammar police came and arrested Arwen for misspelling 'ruled.' Odd, since they're the grammar police, you think they wouldn't arrest people for spelling mistakes. Definitely odd, and curious at that.

Pandalf vanished into thin air. Pippin's clone took a swan dive off the cliff edge. Soon only Aragorn remained, tugging on the rope. "I must tug on the rope. I must."

Dr. Phil walked up to Aragorn. "Aragorn, I think you have a problem in your life."

The same sniper who shot Locke targeted Dr. Phil and fired. However, Dr. Phil had Matrix-like skills, so he dodged the sniper's bullet. "Looks like I have a person to defeat." Dr. Phil sprouted a cape and flew away. "Oprah, here I come!"

A penguin waddled up. The Arctic bird went to the piano and started to play a version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." This caused a mass of people to crowd around, admiring the penguin's remarkable skill, made even more remarkable because the penguin had no fingers. Shaken from his dream-like state, Aragorn stopped tugging on the rope.

"Hey, I just remembered. I have to go become the King of Gondor and kill tons of Orcs."

He drew his really, really long sword. "To Minas Tirith! To the White City!" He charged off into the sunset. This was very weird because it was noon and the sun was high in the sky. Ah well. I guess Aragorn is just very, very talented.

And so ended the saga of Aragorn tugging on the rope. But just as the lights were about to dim, the penguin ripped off its disguise to reveal…a cloaked figure! The crowd gasped. The cloaked figure chuckled. "I've been waiting forever for this moment! It's time for you to die, Aragorn!" He looked around. "Wait! Where did he go?"

One of the members of the crowd spoke. "He left."

"Oh butterscotch!" The cloaked figure disappeared, but not before leaving a warning. "I'll get you some day, Aragorn! Some day! Some day!"

_So ends Tugging on a Rope. Sorry if it all seemed random and a little confusing. This was mostly thought up on the spot. I'm hoping to expand this story into several more short stories. I would like to say a special thanks to Prince of Ithilien, who I ripped off a few ideas from. You should check out her stories. They're really funny._

_And now, for the End Credits._

**Created, written and directed by Mister Frodo**

**Based on characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien, Mister Frodo, and other people I don't know**

**Starring…**

**Lots of people as themselves**

**With a special guest appearances from The End as the cloaked figure**

**And Bill as the sniper**

**Special Thanks to…**

**God (for creating me)**

**My family (for supporting me)**

**My older sister (for her great sense of humor and for a few good ideas) **

**My cousins (for playing with me)**

**Peter Jackson (for making the Lord of the Rings movies)**

**J.R.R. Tolkien (for writing the Lord of the Rings books)**

**Mrs. Ronie Kendig (for teaching me how to write)**

**Also, I would like to thank all of things I ripped off: Pirates of the Caribbean, James Bond, Happy Feet, That Thing You Do, Forrest Gump, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lost, Titanic, and, of course, the Lord of the Rings movies **

**I would also like to thank all of the reviewers:**

**Skittle Trees Exist: I'm sad you only reviewed once. But that's okay. Was it because I said you poem didn't rhyme? Because I can take it back! I can! **

**ArodieltheElfofRohan: Taught me that there are Elves in Rohan. Also had a great idea for the final chapter that I sadly could not use.**

**Katerina17: Had a good point. Is Aragorn obsessive-compulsive? Or is he just misunderstood? I smell a sequel…**

**Princess of Ithilien: I ripped off a few of her jokes. I hope she doesn't mind. I also hope that she is a she. It does say _Princess_ of Ithilien, but with gender, you can never be too sure…**

**Ulaire: Another great reviewer who really encourage me as I wrote the story.**

**July 47th: Called my story the most pointless thing he/she has ever read. Thankfully, it was meant as a compliment. I think.**

**steelelf: Seemed glad I didn't write slash or use a lot of profanity. Which is good. It seems like I'm doing my job.**

**And, of course, I would like to thank everyone who read this story. **

**Hope you enjoyed the story**

**God Bless!**

**Note: This is a work of fiction. All characters, names, organizations, piñatas, and settings are created by the author or used fictionally. Any similarities between these and real life people are completely accidental. **


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